


Absolution

by collectiveobsession



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Destroy Ending, F/M, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:39:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13299897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collectiveobsession/pseuds/collectiveobsession
Summary: Shepard lies in the broken remains of the Citadel and knows that she is dying. Alchera was a lot quicker than she knows dying here will be, but finds comfort that she has already experienced a worse death than this. Not many people can say they’ve done that.





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Spoilers for ME3

Shepard lies in the broken remains of the Citadel and knows that she is dying.

This is, somehow, not the first time that she has been in the situation. Disjointed memories like damaged vids replay in her brain: years ago, trapped beneath rubble, waiting for it to crash down upon her. She can still hear the panicked voices screaming in her comm and distant shouts for her to hold on. The injuries hadn’t been so bad – certainly not as life-threatening as right now – and she’d been rescued by an angel, shrouded in a blue glow as he picks away the debris. She can most definitely hear Kaidan’s snort of flattered surprise at that description.

She shifts and thinks that maybe she screamed. She doesn’t know if what she’s hearing is real or in her head.

Regardless, this is still not the worst pain she’s endured. Shepard has been in more mortal peril than she can comprehend, and has had more near-death experiences and injuries than she’d like to admit. Still, lying battered and broken in the Citadel is not the worst pain, though it may rank in the top five.

Alchera was infinitely worse than this. Shepard can still feel the crushing weight in her lungs of oxygen-deprivation, the panic flooding her, mixing with the adrenaline of the explosion. Alchera was a lot quicker than she knows dying here on the Citadel will be, but finds comfort that she has already experienced a worse death than this. Not many people can say they’ve done that.

She refuses to take inventory of her body: that feels too much like giving up. She ignores that she cannot feel anything below her hips, that one arm is at a disgustingly impossible angle, and that her torso is worryingly hot _and_ wet. She’s dispensed all of the medi-gel she has in what remains of her omni-tool and hopes that her body is numb from that and nothing else. For all she knows, she has overdosed on the medicine and this is all a hallucination. Chakwas is sure to be tutting her, somewhere in the galaxy.

Breathing is a challenge and she focuses on that instead.

Shepard hopes she made the right choice. Destroying the Reapers seemed like the only viable option. All the others felt like a siren’s call, trying to feed on humanity’s weakness for power and control like it had the Illusive Man. She formulates a million apologies to Joker and wishes her comm still worked. She formulates a million more for EDI. _You are organic, EDI_ , she pleads, but it is not enough.

She thinks about her mother, whom she hasn’t seen since being court-martialed nearly a year prior, and prays that she’s still alive. Selfishly, she also prays she’s made the woman proud this time. She allows herself the memory of her mother’s face: stern, with hawk-like eyes that saw everything, and a confidence that Shepard never quite got the hang of, but played pretend at pretty well. God, she hopes she’s done the right thing.

The pain is starting to noticeably recede and Shepard gives a choked sigh of relief. This time, death will not be a sudden summer storm, but rather an old friend coming to greet her. Ashley gives her an encouraging smile and takes her hand.

Before slipping into the warm darkness, Shepard hopes that Kaidan is someplace safe, a world away.


End file.
